im not in a good headspace at all right now.
Its only week 2 of the quarter and im so fucking exhausted. ive gained more than 10 lbs since may. i dont sleep worth shit. my grade are awful. i dont understand a thing that counts in any of my classes. its october and ive made 0 progress on my senior year project. ive barely gotten any shit done for lab even though im doing shit there all the time. writing center is actually a stupid waste of time. grading is the same, and every year the freshman get fucking dumber and dumber. bmes should be fine but for some reason tinny makes a HUGE deal out of everything and its way more stressful than it should be. i havent gotten more than 6 hours of sleep in ages, except the rare nights when i go home to federal way. if im in seatle my body cant do it. it wont. im too stressed out to even sleep. my PIs just keep telling me that i cant burn myself off blah blah blah cut your extra stuff. well guess the fuck what, lab is my extra stuff. now do you want experiments to get done or not? thats what it comes down to, and they clearly always choose lab work. i BARELY have enough time to go to lab, go to class, go to work, and do homework, and get 4 hours of sleep. MUCHLESS do I have time to do things like oh idk fucking apply for fellowships or grad school or scholarships since the lab doesnt pay me AT ALL. i fucking hate a vast majority of my friends and my body and my life so much right now. i just want to quit. i have honestly not wanted to quit bioe or lab or college or life more than this right here right now. but i cant cause that would be futile and pointless and im filing for graduation tomorrow and im not throwing that out the window. and i cant. if i stop im never going back. i cant take a gap year because i would literally take a gap year and then do nothing for the rest of my life. im not fucking happy, but at least im being a productive citizen. if i stop my education i wont be either.
the only thing i have even worth waking up for these day is the a’s.
if this is what grad school is like i have no idea if i even want to do this anymore. if i cant live like this for 7 months no way i can do it for 7 years.
- melodiesintheair likes this
- liveinjusttoday said: aww j-lin! i know how you feel. this was me last spring. i was overwhelmed and wanted to quit my program with every fiber of my being. but it gets better, i promise! i really look up to you and your drive/work ethic. i know you can do this!! :) <3
- portionsforfoxes said: You got this JLin. Sending you love and good vibes.
- southernair said: Keep your chin up. You can get through it, I promise. I was at complete breakdown status during senior year as well. Things will fall into place and you’ll make it through.
- jacnrh posted this